Tripping Over Growth

About a year ago, we packed the minivan and headed off to college, where our younger son would be spending the next 4 years growing, changing and learning. Truthfully, I was jealous. One look at the sprawling idyllic oasis known as Southwestern University, and I was wondering, “Don’t they have a parent’s program? Can we stay?” Tucked into the grounds lay tiny little learning nooks, ideal places to read, study and absorb the world’s great knowledge. During the weekend, we discovered the comfy leather couches in the library. Leaving our son was easy compared to having to leave Southwestern. 

I had approached the empty nest years with a sense of impending loss. How would I survive without those 2 wildly entertaining, incredibly messy boys? And without daily grocery shopping trips, what would I do with the extra time? Learn French? Take Tango? Turns out my first year as an empty nester flew by. I treasured the ease of life. With a traveling husband, I could go days without shopping. In fact, for a while I lived on sweet potatoes and beer (that’s a food group, right?). Then, at some point, I switched to sweet potato chips. Easier. Finally having time for friends, not coming home was guiltless. A free and breezy life, I logged more arts-watching hours than ever before. I even got my classical music fix by attending Ars Lyrica and Opera in the Heights events. Getting out of my rut was a crusade.

Mothering is a difficult job; even the best of us question our methods. I have tried to keep the smother and hover thing to a minimum. When people ask me about my parenting philosophy, I reply, “Leave lots of books lying around; chances are they will pick up one and learn something they were not planning to.”

Turns out there’s another perk to having college-age children; THEY leave books lying around. And because they’re usually all over the floor, the mess just gives new meaning to “stumbling upon information.” During the years my older son was studying to be a sound engineer, books from various classes would end up on my coffee table. A class on nature writing got me hooked on geography. Jared Diamond’s Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed and Marc Reisner’s Cadillac Desert brought me deep into the connection between the land and society. And my younger son’s fixation on Latin American writers supplied my summer reading. Alex Ross’ epic book, The Rest is Noise: Listening to the 20th Century, came in handy during my foray into classical music. Yet not every book was a winner. I am still trying to figure out what French Philosopher Gilles Deleuze is talking about, and I majored in philosophy in college.

Having your children leave for college is tough. It takes bucket loads of cash. We miss their adorable faces, and only hear from them when they are out of—you guessed it—cash. It’s a good thing that the empty nest gig has some hidden perks. Growth comes in strange places. It’s not always an “I am going to learn Italian if it kills me” scenario.  Who knew? I think the history of water in the desert is interesting. There are things we set out to learn, and then there’s the learning we simply wander into. It’s the latter that offers us a chance to enter unexplored territories. Today, we are getting ready to send our son back to Southwestern for his second round. This time though, it’s not anticipation I feel but excitement…What new books will be left behind?